I don’t give myself a reason for doing so. I only blame myself for why am I doing it so. I can give myself a thousands of reasons of why did I did so. But what does it got to improve situations.
Recently, I have been feeling much lots of breathless. I just feel so stuffy right down inside. It just seems like there’s something stuck there. That result in me that I could not even breathe right. Will I just be gone someday? Even if I’m gone, would there be people who would feel sad for me other than my family? I don’t know.
I’m being negative. Negative thoughts just filled my mind. I just could not get rid of it. I just feel so self estimated. I just feel so inferior. I just feel so stupid. Stupid that why am I like that. Why am I being like this. What had become of me? Maybe what others said might be a whole lot of fact. I cause misery to others. I am a mistaken given by birth. I don’t know.
Its just me being negative right here. I’m tired of all this facts that have been going around me. Round and round, tie me hard down that I could barely breathe right. I need to clear my mind, I need to start anew. But is there someone who is willing to tolerate my shit and walk me out of this torturement? I doubt there would be someone who could really tolerate my shit. Cause it’s worst than anything else. Fuck it. I despise myself right now.
sometimes I really think… Whether I deserve all this after all what I had done. I don’t know. Being good, get bullied. Being bad, get bullied too. What this world wants from me? I really don’t know.
I don’t feel anything right now. I felt so dead and on top of that I’m having fever. Sigh.
I was being said of being materialistic and childish but I wasn’t being able to see what was being said behind my back.
Chinese New Year isn’t seems to be as fun as it seems to be as the years goes by as I’m getting older and older. Kind of like boring. It’s more to like a routine just going around to relatives house taking red packets. And mine is rather standard. Every CNY, I would just have to go to both my grandma house cause all would gather there instead. Well, it’s boring la. Cause I always go there take finish red packet then went off already. Didn’t really wanna spent a minute longer cause basically we can communicate through facebook. Easy right? Even now all my aunts and uncles have facebook, so what’s the hassle?
But I didn’t add them on facebook cause there’s alot of stuffs I didn’t want them to know. They are the rather old fashion people so nah, better not let them know then let their tongue wedge.
So yes, I’m having exam tomorrow and it sucks cause it’s the fucking CNY mood. Which is holiday mood. Who would have the freaking mood to study? You tell me lor!?!? So spent the whole of yesterday night to study and my boyfriend accompanied me to. Thanks boyfriend. You are so so so so so nice :)
Oh so anyway, went to catch a movie w my family on Friday. Catched “homecoming”. Movie was rather okay. I can’t really it’s really that funny. Their jokes wasn’t as funny as I expected. BOO!
Saturday went to kallang leisure park with the intention to ice skate but then its overcrowded. So we catched a movie then to boyfriend house then to dinner then to study. Crap, I just have completely NO MOOD to study. I don’t wanna fail this module. PLEASE don’t let me fail.
I’m currently at work now and feeling super sleepy. Eyes closing closing closing. I’m just trying to entertain myself with the internet but it just seems to be so limited. I just done with updating myself with stomp. Nothing much interesting nowadays. They should post stuffs like singapore’s scandal! God, I’m so god damn interested in singapore’s scandals. Okay whatever, I’m sick.
It’s the CNY week and its gonna be the exam week next week. Fuck it. I have completely no mood to study at all. I’m so so so afraid I would flunk. FUCK. Fucking give me some motivations la fuck. :(